Thursday, June 4, 1998

Ask Uncle Tusk: June 4, 1998

Hi Tusk!

That Rodney Witherspoon is fake isn't he?! He was there when this site opened! How can a 14-year old spell like that?! And also, how can a 14-year old believe that a video game character is real?!
Ice Blue

Uncle Tusk replies:
You young scamp. There's no fooling you, is there?

Dear Tusk Person,

Ok, I beat Diddy Kong Racing on both adventures, and I got T.T. But, when I beat the second Wizpig on adventure 2, it gave me the same ending as in adventure 1! Wizpig came back, and it said, to be continued. So, how do I get the ending where he doesn't come back? What do I get when I beat those times that you give me when I beat the second adventure?

Thanks, uhh, Tusk.
Fidika (
Uncle Tusk replies:
The second ending is conveniently hidden in a different game. That's how very, very clever we are. So you'll have to wait for Wizpig's second coming before you can attempt to skin his sausages for good.

And the times are T.T.'s ultimate records, if I'm not very much mistaken, which I hope for your sake I'm not. Why don't you beat them and see? Too soft, or something?

Is there anything you can tell me which will help me finish Facility level on Goldeneye in under 2:10?? IT'S TOO BLOOMIN' HARD!!! Sadist games-makers. You must thrive on seeing people fail!!! I suppose you, Uncle Tusk, have the strength to just run head-long through each wall squashing every gaurd in your path!! Ta!
Mana Hero (
Uncle Tusk replies:
Squashing gaurds? What, like melons and stuff? Are you saying that's my limit, sunshine?

No, it's alright, I understand. You're just a bit dim. Now then, it's a thorny problem, this Facility cheat thing. A few lines just won't do it justice. I think, therefore, that this calls for the first ever
Ask Uncle Tusk Special... (but don't you think I'll be doing this for everyone. It just so happens that the team already had this little beauty tucked away somewhere.)

[Note: "Ask Uncle Tusk Special" originally linked to a guide to finish Facility in under 2:10]

I was really wondering if Cinder was hidden anywhere in KI Gold??
I have heard rumors on the web and from friends who have claimed to have seen him in the game. I was just wondering if you could confirm or deny the existence of him in the game.

Rare Kicks,
Paul Hopker (

Uncle Tusk replies:
They're lying to you. Cinder's not in KI Gold and your friends think it's hilarious that you believe their outrageous claims. Do you want me to come round and rough them up a bit?

Uncle Tusk-crazy message and song!!!!
Hi Everbody!

Sing your praises to Rare, to Rare!
Sing your praises everywhere, everywhere!
And if you have too much f-u-u-u-nnnnnn!
You just have with it.

Wasn't that special! (applause)
Thanks! (applause)
Bye! (applause)
You think I'm a psycho, don't you? (applause)
Fenix ( (applause)

Uncle Tusk replies:
That's really nice. Thanks. I'll have it inscribed into your headstone later this afternoon.

I'm writing to ask whether or not there is a Future Fun Land battle stage, and if so, how do you get to it?

Kay... basically, from what i can see there isn't one. Correct? However, there IS one for every other world.

Also, if you go to 'Tracks' and quickly switch from the Dragon Forest battle level (Smokey Castle) to the Future Fun land Trophy Race you can see another level in the bottom right hand corner! COULD THIS BE THE FUTURE FUN LAND BATTLE LEVEL?

I haven't had sleepless nights over it just yet but I'm getting there.
Adrian Bell (

Uncle Tusk replies:
I couldn't honestly be arsed to answer this one, so I tied it to a brick and threw it at DKR's designer instead:

"There was always going to be a Future Fun Land Battle Track but the structure got rearranged and it didn't fit into place. We had one designed and playable but took it out near the end of the project. And no, it's not displayed in the bottom right hand corner."

So there. Stop your whinging.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

You've got to help me!! That Conker the squirrel is coming to kill me!! Just look at its adorable eyes!! Look at it's hideous face!! It dosen't change or move!! LOOK AT IT!!! LOOOK AAAT IIIT!!!!

By the way.....If Diddy Kong Racing is said to have "all my favorite Rare characters", Where are you and Fulgore?

Please help me,
John (

Uncle Tusk replies:
Tempting as it is to drop misleading hints about me and the metal baboon being hidden away somewhere on Sherbet Island, somehow I know that the avalanche of mail I'd get from the gullible idiots among you just wouldn't be worth it.

Don't worry about Conker. If he gets it into his head to come after you, there's nothing you can do to stop him. Born killer, that one.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

How do you make Squitter's web bridges in Donkey Kong Land 3! Please tell me! I need to get to the lost world!!!

Thank you
Rafael Garcia (

Uncle Tusk replies:
You fire a web as normal, then you press Select when it's reached the place you want your platform. It couldn't be simpler. Are you thick, boy? Haven't you read the manual?

Dear Uncle Tusk,

In a pathetic attempt to impress my girlfriend, I finished Diddy Kong Racing, with a blindfold over my eyes, cotton wool in my ears, and only using the vibrations of the Rumble Pak to guide me. She took advantage of my temporary sensory deprivation to run off with my german shepherd, Alan. Women, eh?

My question is this;

Life- What's it all about?

Do hope you can sort that one out, thanks ever so,
Abagail Nostradamus III

Uncle Tusk replies:
Women, yeah. Don't talk to me about women. And life - whoa, life, yeah, know what you mean.

Hang on though. You've got a woman's name, like that big bloke from
Final Fight, who was obviously a transvestite anyway. So why are you on about women? And dogs as well? What are you, some kind of pervert? Do you want a kicking?

Dear Uncle Tusk:

What are the conditions for actually knocking Gargos off of his bridge, instead of me weakening him to almost nothing, only to have him laugh in my face at every attempt of an attack thereafter?
-Nephew Jeremy

Uncle Tusk replies:
Honestly. All you have to do is jeff him with a move that'll hit him high enough into the air, like an uppercut - it doesn't even have to be a special move, you dunce. You just need to experiment with which moves work for which characters. All Ultra Combos should do the trick, though. And don't let him get away with laughing at you: Rip his neck off! Kick his face up!!!

Hi Tusk!

My grandson and I have been playing Diddy Kong since Christmas and cannot find the key in World 16 (Dino Domain). We have searched Boulder Canyon, Haunted Woods, etc.. to no avail. Please give us a clue where the key is. We have gone thru each world backwards, forwards except Boulder Canyon. Please, please help.

Barbara Rabe and Brett

Uncle Tusk replies:
I take it you mean Dragon Forest, not Dino Domain. After all, saying Dino Domain when you meant Dragon Forest would just be stupid. Anyway, here's DKR's designer again:

"The key you're looking for is on Boulder Canyon! Cross the drawbridge and you'll see the bell. When you ring the bell, turn around to see the drawbridge rise. If you look up the raised drawbridge, you can see a platform high above on which you'll find the key! Power up the Blue Balloons until you have a fully powered up boost, ring the bell so the drawbridge rises and then boost up the bridge."

Hey Uncle Tusk,

I was wondering how you and the rest of the Rare gang get along. You know, Conker, Banjo, Diddy and so on.....Some people are saying that you're getting surprisingly close to Pipsy in some late night conversations. Could you please tell the world what's really going on?
Thank you,
Dirk Diggler

Uncle Tusk replies:
What? Talking to Pipsy? Are you delusional, man? Don't you realise she's just a made-up character? I'd have to be seriously sick before I started talking to made-up characters, you lunatic.

No comments: