Friday, August 14, 1998

Ask Uncle Tusk: August 14, 1998

Hey Tusk!

Okay, I asked a question about KI3 in my last letter and you shot me down. So I've got a new question. Howard Lincoln said in an interview that Rare was working on two secret games that weren't shown at E3. I'm assuming that one of them is Donkey Kong 64, but how about the other? Would it be possible for Rare to make another fighting game? It doesn't have to be KI, since you guys think the market for that game is gone. The Nintendo 64 is really lacking a quality fighting game. I know that Rare can make one. So, what are the chances of Rare making a new fighting game that isn't KI? I'm the fighting editor for the 64 Source and my readers would love to know guys! Give us the goods!
Bryan Dawson (

Uncle Tusk replies:
'Shot you down'? What? I carry a four-foot sword at all times, I maim for fun and yet I took time out to give a considered response to your questions, and you still reckon I 'shot you down'?

I despair. Anyway. Nobody at Rare ever said that the KI market is 'gone' - inevitably, it's just not thriving in the way it once was. Yes, it would be possible for us to make another fighting game, we've never totally scrapped the idea. Might be KI, might not. Whatever, we can't announce anything until we're ready, so it's no good hassling us for news we haven't got...

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I have just one simple question about Banjo-Kazooie so please answer this. OK my question is as follows. How do I get the Rusty Bucket Bay level opener (ya know puzzle piece area) and also how do I get to the level itself? Because if you open the 450 note door and go in the ice colored room, you can only swim far enough to open Mad Monster Mansion. Please answer this question because I am stuck.

Uncle Tusk replies:
Ah yes. We get this one quite a lot (you thick plebs). Right, listen: leave Mad Monster Mansion as the pumpkin, bounce back down through the graveyard in Gruntilda's Lair and through the gate you should have barged down as Banjo earlier, and you'll find that you can now sneak into the locked tomb at the end through a hole in the door. Mumbo's having a kip inside for twisted reasons of his own, so get him to change you back into Banjo, smash open the coffin and you'll find a switch that raises the water level and allows you to reach the Rusty Bucket Bay entrance area (where there's another similar switch to find). Alright? Alright.

Hey Unc.

I have a question, it shouldn't be very hard for you. How do you get the Golden Gun out of the glass case in Level 9 on Goldeneye? I can kill the Baron dude with no problem, but I can't figure out how to get that dang Golden Gun out of its case. Can you help?

Uncle Tusk replies:
It's a matter of finding the only safe route to the case. To quote from the GoldenEye squad themselves: "You need to walk over the floor in a special way. If you step on some tiles, they will trigger the Ancient Egyptian automated defence systems (circa 5000BC). This brings out the big guns, and closes up the Golden Gun. Each time you step on a 'bad' tile you must run out of the (open) exit of the room, and go round and back in the entrance to try again."


Help me Tuskers, I'm 25 and have been playing games since Purple People Eaters and consider myself a pretty good player, but!!!! I bought Diddy Kong Racing the day it came out and pretty soon came up against the brick wall known as Windmill Plains. After days and days I got over it but in Adventure Two there it is again and can I do it?

In desperation I've selected small characters and even two player (simply to move myself up a place by leaving player two on the start line) but still only come 4th EVERY TIME. No-one I know will take up the challenge of controling player two so in the end it doesn't help much. What do I need to do to beat this beastly track?

While I love a challenge, I love the feeling of overcoming it even more, and it's things like this or Diamond Sands that stand in the way of progression for weeks on end that spoil a great game. Similarly in Goldeneye I simply can't seem to finish the last little bit. Now I'm sure this may be up to my personal skills but a smoother difficulty curve would suit me just fine. Please offer any tips for Windmill Plains you might have, and while you're at it why don't you make fun of my lack of skill?

Thankyou for having me,
Adam ( xxx

Uncle Tusk replies:
If you think you're going to get any mileage out of that old please-laugh-at-my-incompetence double bluff routine, you've got another think coming, you dribbling, cack-handed gibbon.

Windmill Plains is a bit of a swine, yes, but basically it's all down to practice, and there's not much else to say about it. The Rare testers did come up with one little hint that you might find handy, though: Fly at ground level in the plane and you can sneakily use the Zippers on the track. Though in your case this'll probably just cause all manner of comedy high-speed windmill collisions.


If you guys aren't making a new Killer Instinct game, what's all this about? In Issue 118 of Gamepro magazine, Gamepro said to you guys: "Rumor has it that you're working on a new Killer Instinct game." Your guys said in reply: "We can neither confirm nor deny that." Sounds awful mysterious to me. What did you guys mean by that? Tell, tell, tell! Oh yeah, Tusk, if you don't post my letter I'll shove that shiny "R" so far up your.....uhhh.....nose you'll be sneezin' blue and gold snot for a month. Also, you wouldn't want me to tell Auntie Tusk you've been cheating with Orchid, would you? Oh, if you do post this letter: thank ye' kindly!

Thanks for your time!
Thunderball (

Uncle Tusk replies:
Mysterious? What's so mysterious about "We're not telling you"? That's just annoying, not mysterious.

And who's Auntie Tusk? Maya didn't change her name when we got hitched, if that's what you mean. Or if it's Auntie Gertie you're on about, she's deaf as a post anyway. Got a hammer permanently lodged in the side of her head fighting off burglars sixteen years ago.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I simply can't find 8 of the DK coins in DKC3. I can't. I've failed (sniff). Please don't fail me. I need to find where Koin (that nasty baddy, I'm sure you woudn't need a stupid barrel to kill him, would you?) is in these levels...


-Squeals On Wheels

-Springin' Spiders


-Ripsaw Rage


-Ropey Rumpus


-Criss Kross Cliffs

-Tyrant Twin Tussle

-Swoopy Salvo

Please help me, Uncle Tusk.....Please!!!

Humbly Yours,

Uncle Tusk replies:
Stop snivelling, man! Look at the state of you. You can't even count - that's only seven levels. Alright, here...

Squeals on Wheels: Jump up to the platform overhead to the right just before you reach the letter N.

Springin' Spiders: When riding the Nid in the right-hand trunk alongside the green extra lives balloon, use Kiddy to throw Dixie up to the ledge next to Koin.

Ripsaw Rage: Jump into the invisible barrel beneath the letter G, which'll fire you up to an Invincibility Barrel. Let the saw carry you up, jump to the platform on the left, and Koin's just on your right.

Ropey Rumpus: Drop down between the two pillars about halfway across the longest rope in the level.

Criss Kross Cliffs: Make your way back around to the first tunnel on the right after the letter G.

Tyrant Twin Tussle: Use Squitter to climb up the shaft just after the letter O. Koin's on the right, and Bazuka's on the left - make a web bridge to direct the stream of barrels straight at Koin.

Swoopy Salvo: Before you reach the 'No Animals' sign, double back out of the right-hand trunk and re-enter the left-hand one through the higher hole. Koin's up this way.

Dear Unca Tusk,

I seem to be stuck on Freezeezy Peak in Banjo-Kazooie. I've found most of the goodies, but I can't seem to find the 3rd present for the little kiddie bears in the igloo. I found the blue one on the snowman's hat, and I found the green one on the island near Mumbo's hut, but I can't find the third one.

Is there any hope for me, or should I just slay myself and save you the trouble?

Zak Nilsson

Uncle Tusk replies:
Get that bear's furry arse up inside the Xmas tree and you'll find the last present there (though a tragic oversight during production means that you can't turn nasty on the polar bear sprogs during their moment of happiness and beat them to a pulp).

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Is it humanly possible to finish Oyster Harbour in Blast Corps. I have completed all other levels except for... OYSTER HARBOUR!!! Ahhhh. So for the love of God, please help guide me Uncle Tusk. The trouble is that I can't blow up the warehouse structure next to the crane. There is a crane and explosives that you can use to move onto the crane, though it is almost impossible to do this in time. So how's this for a deal, if I promise not to ever thoroughly thrash you good in KI Gold, will you guide me to the light, so... please... sir... with sugar... and a cherry on top...

Uncle Tusk replies:
You've done Diamond Sands, but you can't do Oyster Harbour? You weirdo. For a start, you shouldn't be trying to blow that building a single section at a time - it'll never happen. Position the crane platform so that the TNT takes out at least two sections at once when it drops. With practice you can even find a weak spot that'll let you flatten the whole place in one go. Feel stupid now? You should.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Recently your cat was taken to the County Dump in a green garbage bag. We the employees of the County Dump cannot possibly crunch that cat in the garbage cruncher, so we have sent your cat to the Falkland Islands to be incinerated by means of a nuclear bomb.

Thank you,
Dolnerd Grunt, Head of County Dump

Uncle Tusk replies:
Die, Sniffles! Die, you slobbering ball of filth! Die, die, die! Why, I'd come over there and kick your grotty little face off myself if I knew the way, you stinking, lowdown, worthless... (Sounds of quiet sobbing.)

Dear Tusk,

I've spent almost a week trying to get the Jiggy piece that appears in the tree when you push the witch switch in Click Clock Wood. This is really making me p.o. If someone doesn't help me those friendly men at the dump will be playing that sorry game.

Uncle Tusk replies:
Oh, stop whinging, you hopeless idiot. All you have to do is leave Click Clock Wood in bee form, then it's virtually impossible
not to get the Jiggy. It's amazing you've got so far without picking that up.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

How do you finish the swimming level in DK Land 3 on Time Attack in under the time limit? It's the only level I have left and I need to see the ending.

Uncle Tusk replies:
There's a nifty little shortcut that might help you out here. Cue designer:

"Get Enguarde from just below the starting position. Continue as normal until you reach the second 'No Animals' sign. You'll come across six Lurchins: just behind the last Lurchin is an invisible barrel which will fire you to the exit." You cheating scum.

Dear Unkie,

I heard in Japan the game was renamed to something like The Amazing Adventures of Banjo and Kazooie. Why couldn't you call it that here? I have to say, the name is gay and I wish it was something different. So, please don't call it Banjo-Tooie. How about Banjo-Kazooie 2: Tooie and Banjo's Magical Adventure or whatever? Anyway, I hope you can clear things up for me.
Justin Davis (

Uncle Tusk replies:
Hang on. So
Banjo-Tooie is gay, but Tooie and Banjo's Magical Adventure isn't? Where are you getting this from?

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I have beaten TT on all the tracks in Time Trial mode and I still can't get him as a playable character. My friend has a Gameshark and used that to try to get TT, but it still doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Willy Loman (

Uncle Tusk replies:
You've confused DKR's head honcho now. "Check you really have beaten him," he says. "The TT symbol should appear on the intro screen to every track in Tracks Mode. Are you sure you haven't missed one out? You have found the Future World? And you can't use the GameShark to get him either, just pure skill!"

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I picked up a used copy of Blast Corps a few weeks ago, and I am now rising to the challenge of Platinum. I currently have 19. I was wondering, how many Rare people actually have gotten all 78 Platinum medals?

And one final thing, are you going to eventually have information ON your site, instead of mostly help from Elsewhere?
Thomas McManus (

Uncle Tusk replies:
We physically forced everyone at Rare (including the gardeners and kitchen staff) to play through the game and get every last Platinum medal, because we felt they couldn't possibly consider their lives complete without having experienced that divine end sequence.

Help on the site? What do you call this? The rest of the staff are far too busy to build up FAQs and stuff on all their games, if that's what you mean - and besides, there are plenty of comprehensive guides out there (some of you play the games so hard that you find out things even we didn't know). Any niggling questions left over, well, that's what
I'm here for. So try not to get on my chebs.

Hey Mr. Tusk guy,

I've been a fan of Rare mainly since DKC came out, and have loved every game that the company has produced so far... and have you lost weight? Heh heh, now you're forced to read the rest of this message since my suckup powers are so strong and powerful to wipe out a whole crew of 3rd grade teachers... Anyway... about Candy Kong, what ever happened to her?! I mean, she was Donkey's main girl (even though I did see her blow a couple of kisses at Diddy when the big guy wasn't looking)! Now she isn't in any game, and she was the best game save I had ever seen! Did she get eaten by a crock, run over by a bird-welding bear, decide to mass produce Spam?! She just disappeared, and left many of us in the dark, so pleeeeease, help us know of her whereabouts!!

Your average software user and Candy Kong whereabouts looker for her person,
Bryan Bohnsack

Uncle Tusk replies:
Banjo might have a bit of a temper on him, but I can't really see him sinking so low as to indulge in 'bird-welding'.

And Candy's still around, somewhere. She's just been keeping a low profile since the original DKC, where her strenuous barrel-presenting antics eventually left her close to exhaustion. She'll be back in the spotlight one day, don't worry, you ape-fancying pervert.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

A quick question, what does a person need to do to get the Most Professional award at the end of a 007 match?
P.S. Quad Kill (DOH!) <--Hilarious!

Uncle Tusk replies:
A quick answer from the team: "The person with the highest ratio of head shots (as opposed to shooting the arm/leg/hand/foot/shoulders/inner thigh etc) collects the Most Professional award."

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Greetings, great, almighty answer-man, Uncle Tusk. My name is Ellington. Jasper Ellington. The third. Yeah, yeah, I know. Jasper Ellington III is a big name but I didn't have anything to do with that--it was all that other dude's fault. Anyways, this is part one of Jasper & Uncle Tusk: a constant flooding of irrepressible antics in when I state my questions or comments. For example, today, we have a comment. Let's begin, shall we?

Ahem. One moment please...

THE WALLS! THE INVISIBLE WALLS! ARGGGHHHH! Banjo-Kazooie, Blast Corps, GoldenEye 007, Diddy Kong Racing--the walls are everywhere! Oh sure, I can understand it. A cart only has so much room--well why not a CD, then?! No, forget I said that. But now, everytime I play a game--I get so paranoid. Oh sure, it looks like there's a lot of room, but then, the walls start closing in!

Diddy Kong Racing, "The plane stopped flying! The island's right behind us! We're trapped! Isn't Diddy supposed to go back to DK

Banjo-Kazooie, "It's a canyon! It's nothing but a big canyon! Banjo lives in a canyon and he will never get out! Swim. Swim away from the island. Oh no! Here comes Snacker! We're doomed!"

GoldenEye 007, "These doors won't open! They're locked! The trees aren't trees at all! They're just pictures of trees--flat trees--and we've been boxed into Servernaya or Cuba or wherever! ARGGGHHH!"

Even in Super Mario 64--not a game by Rare--but the invisible walls are still there, laughing and mocking us! SM64 had slopes that looked like escape routes like in Bob-omb Battlefield and Snowman's Land. Banjo-Kazooie brought cliffs! Straight, up-and-down walls and cliffs! We're trapped! I can't breathe! I'm starting to see things! Is that a hippo riding a jet ski? I'm gone for good. Ughhh...

Sorry to dash your hopes but I'm still alive and kicking, and I'll be back to send you another letter, Uncle Tusk. Until next time, be sharpening that sword!
Jasper Ellington III (

Uncle Tusk replies:
Oh, I will. Just in case it crosses your mind to send in part two of this hilarious feature.

As for the invisible walls, what do you want us to do, make infinite levels? Either that or they'd have to wrap around, which could lead to a slightly unrealistic impression in something like GoldenEye. Or we could just have an endless expanse of nothing wrapped around a comparatively tiny bit of level. Or we could just have solid, opaque walls if you like. But can you see what all these ideas have in common? That's right - they're all stupid.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I have three questions for you to answer:

1. While playing Click-Clock Wood in the excellent game Banjo-Kazooie in the Autumn room, I was suddenly struck by a thought: "Gnawty? He sounds familiar..." Then I suddenly realised the truth: HE'S BEEN RECYCLED FROM BOSSHOOD IN DKC! Confirm or Deny?

2. Is Mumbo a Jinjo? He look like one in B-K and on my B-K poster I got in a mag! I even looked at him closely while he was clearing leaves from his hut in Autumn.

3. Is Rare considering making games featuring other DKR characters?
A big Rare fan

Uncle Tusk replies:
1. Oh, alright then. He's been hanging around here for years, whining on and on about wanting his own game, but it seems he finally got the message recently and decided to gatecrash Banjo's party instead.

2. Stop being stupid.

3. Might be. We were thinking of replacing Joanna Dark with Pipsy, seeing as she's become something of a 90s gaming icon. What do you reckon?


Look into the screen... you are getting sleepy... sleepy... sleeeeeeppppyyyyy... now then you will go around swinging your sword in the office of the Rare staffers until they make and sell a Beta version of Goldeneye with MayDay and Oddjob, the Citadel, All Bonds, Line Mode, the secret island on the Dam, and all the other things they held back because of time constraints. You will do this on the count of three 1... 2... 3.

Uncle Tusk replies:
You forgot to click your fingers.

So, out of sheer spite and perversity, I wandered over to the GoldenEye team's offices and made enquiries on the subject of Beta versions in my most exaggeratedly polite manner. They said this:

"Oh, MayDay and Oddjob and all that stuff will be in Perfect Dark anyway.... Or will they? Are we just lying? Messing with your brain? (Evil Lambertian laughter) Heh heh heh."

Yo Tusk,

I was disturbed to see your ending in KI Gold, you stupidly go back to beat up people as the champion while in in KI2 you end up married with Maya, Queen of the Amazons (this means queen of chick city). What the heck were you thinking in Gold, you could have got the babes and I'm willing to bet a lot more guys would come to get beat up by you in the city of the Amazons then in the arena.
Lord Darken

Uncle Tusk replies:
Now, you see, you're completely missing the essential dichotomy of an ageing barbarian's nature. On one hand he has longings for a happier, more settled life away from all the meaningless slaughter once the burden of destiny is removed from his shoulders, while on the other hand he feels obliged to carry on butchering and maiming for fame and money in an effort to bolster his failing pride and deny the gradual debilitating effects of middle age.

Sorry, I think I'm going to have to go for a little lie down.

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