Friday, October 23, 1998

Ask Uncle Tusk: October 23, 1998

Dear Uncle Tusk,

So anyways, here I am playing a little Goldeneye multiplayer with a couple of my buddies here at college. (I was winning, of course) One of the guys kills another guy. After the death-throes and all, he continues to plug the dead guy with the ol' RCP-90. I, of course, questioned him on this action. He replied, "Because I want the 'Most Dishonorable' award!" I responded by pumping him full of auto-shotgun shells. I thought the award was if you had the highest ratio of people hit in the back, or while they weren't carrying a gun, or something like that. It was then that I realized that none of my friends know what all the multiplayer awards mean. Some are, of course, kinda obvious, i.e. Double Kill, Where's the Ammo, and so on. Some are a little ambiguous, like Marksmanship Award, Most Honorable, etc.

So, if you're in a generous mood. Could you slap those GE designers around and have 'em cough up a list of the award meanings?

Say "hi" to Maya for me,
Scott Zdankiewicz

Uncle Tusk replies:
Not a problem.

"Most Dishonourable goes to the player with, as he surmised, the highest number of shots in other players' backs. Continuing to shoot at dead bodies gets the actually-not-in-the-game-at-all, 'Waste Of Ammo' award. Most Honourable should, in light of the above, be obvious. Marksmanship goes to the skilful spy with the highest percentage of head shots. And nobody slaps me around."

These last few words were, of course, wailed back over his shoulder as he ran off clutching his face.

Dear Uncle Tusky-Poo;

I was recently turned on about the fact of the Donkey Kong Country TV Show. I saw it on the Fox Family channel and I instantly hit the roof. Of course it hurt. But what in the heck were you thinking when you made the show dudes? Try to stay along the storyline of the game. Where is this magic coconut in DKC 1-3???

Peeved, but OK
Chris Glass
Uncle Tusk replies:
Beats me. Nothing to do with us. I suppose the writers felt they needed to broaden the span of the DKC storyline if they were going to get a whole series out of it. Me, I'm looking forward to the one where DK takes the damn coconut and shoves it up Cranky's ("museum" - Ed).

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I think that there is one peculiar thing about Banjo-Kazooie that has never been explained: Where is the second yellow pot? I have 100 jiggies, 900 notes and all that stuff, but I've never seen the second yellow pot. Is it in Banjo-Tooie, functioning as the secret passageway between the two games, perhaps? Or is it placed in a really obvious place in BK, making me look stupid for not finding it? Please answer, or I will call upon my viking neighbour, Steinar, who will pay a fortune in money for the airline-ticket, take a week off his work, and travel all the way to the jungle outside Twycross just to... er... "teach you a lesson".
Thomas Ertresvg

Uncle Tusk replies:
It appears that stupidity may indeed be your problem. According to the game's designer, you should be able to find one of the pots behind the starting point of Grunty's Furnace Fun, and the other in the room at the top of the tower with the 810 note door. Now stop being thick. It's getting tedious.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Okay, I have a lot of questions, but this is the one that has bothered me for three years now so I have to ask it: Where on earth did you get Dixie Kong's first name from?! That is my mother's first name, and since I look so much like her, my uncle calls me "Little Dixie." Then, when his grandson bought the game (DKC 3) and found out I was a million times better than his grandson, I got teased endlessly for it. I have long blondeish hair and greenish eyes, too, and that didn't help! Dixie is a good name and all, but I think you could have named her something else!
Christina Shepherd

Uncle Tusk replies:
Be grateful your nickname isn't Donkey. Anyway, here's the designer with a deeply technical explanation for this one.

"Using our Rare Random-O-Matic Name Creator, the best we could do was 'Dixie'. We thought that was OK - surely better than early suggestions of 'Diddiane' and 'Diddette'. By the way, if you can jump off tall objects and spin your hair around like a helicopter we may have a job for you..."

Dear Uncle Tusk,

This is a bit of an odd cry for help, but the other day I borrowed my friend's (albeit dust-laden) NES, and Battletoads. Getting to the point, how in the name of all things fatal does one finish the second rat race? The guy's just too quick! He always wins! Is this just really a cruel ending - the programmers gave up and made the rest of the game impossible to reach?!

Uncle Tusk replies:
Apparently, if you "give the rat's ass a good kickin' on the way down", it will serve to "slow his rather rapid progress". Didn't you try that? What, are you one of those mincing pacifist types, or something? I'll kick your face off.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Hello, I have a ton of questions for GoldenEye but I'll give them to you one at a time. My most important question is (you'll probably need the people who made the game answer these) I found a GameShark code that gives me a weapon that I want, now what startled me was there were a new weapon and a gadget that I found. The weapon was a briefcase that you could throw, it would clamp onto anything and would blow up in 5 second. The gadget looked like a covert modem but had an antenna and a thing where the camera could see. Now what I want to know is why you hadn't put those two things in for, because the briefcase bomb is cool, and what was supposed to be the use of the camera?
Gabe Stickland

Uncle Tusk replies:
None too impressed with your GameShark corruption stupidity, the designer just muttered something about things being unlikely to make sense if you're going to fiddle about with the game's inner workings. He didn't know what you were on about as far as the 'camera' is concerned - probably just corrupted graphics - and you've just given the briefcase graphic Timed Mine properties rather than finding a brand new weapon, you dunce. Remember, kids - messing about with perfectly good code can be bad for your health when Uncle Tusk arrives on your doorstep with the Big Stick of Good Behaviour.

Yo Tusky,

What happened to Thunder from the original KI? Are you his son? Did you eat him? You live in Montana, don't you? I think Jago and Orchid should hook up. And how about that chick Dixie? Grrrrrrrow! She's hot. If only I could kill Diddy... um, no! I didn't say that! You should battle the Jinjos. I know where Winky went! Try Monkey Museum. Donkey and Candy Kong should make a... never mind. See ya Tusky.
Skull Monkey the 7th

Uncle Tusk replies:
Thunder smacked Spinal to bits then went home. That's all there is to it. Considering I was born over 2000 years before him, I'd say he's unlikely to be my long-lost Dad. Oh, and Montana doesn't exist where I'm from, and Jago and Orchid 'hooking up' would be an arrestable offence, you sick fool.


I just read a letter from M. Stephen about the "deep, dark, secret" in DKC. I didn't think anyone else noticed that! Anyway, in answer to his question, I found a warp from the beginning of the level to almost the end. It could of been a glitch, but I doubt it. Lemme tell you how I found it.

Back when I still owned the game, I had a Game Genie (I happened to use it for things other then cheating). One of the "cheats" was to be able to keep an animal to the next level. So I brought the fish into the level. I found out fish could fly, so I took some flying lessons. Above the first cart, I flew above the screen. Suddenly, I heard the sound associated with a warp barrel, and then the screen moved through the level to the last kart, where it launched me into the cart. My fish turned into a blue Diddy and then it was over.

So Mister Tusk, do you accept or deny this secret?
Larry Gajewski

Uncle Tusk replies:
Another one for the designer, then, because I'm bored of the whole stupid subject already.

"Yes, the warp barrel does exist. In fact, there are warp barrels near the start of every level of the first two worlds. And everyone knows that fishes that turn into blue chimps can fly."

Dear Uncle Tusk,

I'm going CRAZY!!!!! I have beaten DKR from top to bottom and it's getting so easy, that just today I started racing looking at the screen upside-down!! I need to know if there is anything else to do that I haven't done, so that I can stop trying to beat my Ancient Lake record of 00:52:13 in the T.T. Time Trials. I have 47 balloons in Adventure 1 and Adventure 2. I have beaten all 4 Wizpig races (2 in each Adventure). I also have the Future Fun Land trophy in both adv. (I'm tired of saying adventure already). I have Drumstick and T.T. as well.
Jason W.
P.S.: 00:52:13 is without balloons.

Uncle Tusk replies:
"There is a hidden method of controlling the characters that can be used to increase your speeds on the tracks by enormous amounts. It involves the A Button but is very difficult to do, though testers at Nintendo had used it to get times on Ancient Lake of around 34 seconds!"

Thus spake the DKR man, so get to it. Alternatively you could just buy yourself a new game, you tightarse.

Dear Uncle, (that is if I may call you uncle).

I am a pathetic single bloke desperately in need of love. I am in Leeds. Do you know if you could give me some tips to get on with sewing my wild oats.
A. M. Modha
Uncle Tusk replies:
While I understand the extra stress that your location must place on your social life, the fact that there's no mention whatsoever of Rare games in your query means there's nothing I can do for you. Unless of course you're one of those sad fools trying to scavenge a picture of Orchid in her pants, in which case I'll be more than happy to pop round and smack some sense into your stupid head with a brick.

Dear Mr. Tusk...

I bought a SNES a few years ago with DKC. Yesterday I decided to go back and revisit the wonders of a console (I use a PC now). I realised that I had PASSED the game but I hadn't found all the secrets. I had only 94% and had taken 4 hours and 4 mins.

Is it possible to get 103 & 104% like what I have in DKC2&3??

Thankyou for your help....
A guy named Mephisto in Australia. :D

Uncle Tusk replies:
As far as we can remember, the original DKC 'only' went up to 101%. Though even that was pretty wacky in those days. If that's not enough for you, and you're at least moderately dull-witted, you could always break some of your fingers to increase the challenge.

Dear TUSK,

I have a Question about BANJO-KAZOOIE.

In the tippy top portion of the lair, there is the room that Grunty has two transforming devices that are controlled by a red lever in the center. Is there any way to move the lever and open the machine doors? And also is there a way to open the wooden doors on either side of the room?

Thanx TUSK (you brute).
Drew Hamann

Uncle Tusk replies:
The official word is "No, and no." I HOPE that's Answered your Question, you STRANGE young man with Your Mad GRAMMAR.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

My problem is this: I'm playing Goldeneye, on Agent level, in the Control Center. In the first hallway, outside the elevator, there are no drone guns! Everything else is there: The guards; the computers; that little pest called Boris, but the first few drone guns are just NOT THERE! Are they supposed to be missing on Agent level, though I don't think they are? Is it a glitch?! Is my copy messed up?!! Or could it be just some weird one-time glitch, and I should just calm down and try again? Thanks, O Great and wise Uncie Tusk.
Losing control in the Control Center

Uncle Tusk replies:
Sounds to me like this is a mere surface manifestation of some far more deep-rooted paranoid anxiety problem. See a doctor, you nutcase. There were never any drone guns in that area on Agent level, mainly because Agent is the default Easy setting. Easy = less obstacles. See? Most people notice that the first time round, but then again most people aren't preoccupied with running round in circles, firing at thin air and screaming like a madman.

Dear Tuskie,

How come you never answer my letters, you good for nothing (word I'm not allowed to say)! I've sent two very good letters, also. I'm just wasting my time writing to you, aren't I? Geez, how you almost never answer your mail? AND WHEN IS THE FREAKIN' HECK IS BANJO-TOOIE COMING OUT????????????????????? You better answer my letter or uh, uh, something REALLY bad is gonna happen to you!

Uncle Tusk replies:
At the moment, Banjo-Tooie is aiming vaguely for a 4th quarter '99 release. You know we don't like release dates, so that's the most concrete answer you're going to get from us right now. We'll release it when the team's happy with it. And please don't threaten me, Mr. GamerX. I bet you're hard as nails and there's no way I could, for example, turn you inside-out with one hand.

You da man Tusky me boy, you da man!!

The way I wait for you to answer
another mailbag for me to read borders on idolatry. I have a small shrine set up in your honor in my basement where I regularly butcher one of my idiot neighbors during joyous celebrations to you oh great Tusky. Whenever I fight against you in KI I drop my controller and allow myself to be hacked to ribbons so that you are not angered with me. Okay, I go past bordering on idolatry. But if worshipping your great barbarianship is wrong then I don't wanna be right. I only have one small favor to ask of you. Would you mind taking your sword and carving your name into the back of my skull, it means a lot to me if you would. In Tusky's name I pray. Amen.
Uncle Tusk replies:
Look, stop messing about. If you want a fight, just come out and say it.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Can you please settle a long running argument that I have with some friends.

Is it right when playing Goldeneye to look at other players' screens? I think it's perfectly okay. My friends think it's the work of the devil. What do the creators think? Cheers.
Andrew Middleditch

Uncle Tusk replies:
The creators have these statements prepared:

"We have too much innate honour to do something so despicable. We don't mind who watches what; it's up to the individual to decide. We're so amazing we watch everyone else's screen because we don't need to watch our own. We are not bothered because that means the result comes down to skill.

"Delete the replies that make you feel bad."

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Diddy Kong has been bugging me for quite some time... this character seems to have a glaring consistency problem. "What is it?" Why, quite simply...

How did Diddy Kong change from a chimpanzee to an ape?

In DKC and DKC2, Diddy clearly has a long tail (he even uses it to hang from things in DKC2), whilst in DKC3 and DKR, Diddy's tail has vanished. Which of the following is true?

1) Diddy was transmogrophied (He was what? - Tusk) when Rare realized how silly it was to give the Kong family name to a chimp...

2) During the Beta testing for DKC3, Diddy didn't quite make it through a nasty trap of some kind.

3) There are 2 Diddys - Diddy Kong (of DKR), and Dyddy Kong (appearing in DKC -- obviously a "secret character" called by the D-Y-D-D-Y code).

Please, tell me ... the world must know!
David Dayton

Uncle Tusk replies:
Several minutes of dubious umming and ahhing from the designer of DKC 1 & 2 led to the following shameful excuses:

"In DKR he sits on his tail in his vehicle to keep it warm, and in DKC3... grrr... ahh... he cut it short as this was the fashion then. Is that good enough?"

Not by anyone's standards, I'd say. So I prodded the lead artist on DKC3 for answers instead.

"Er... I don't remember modelling him without a tail. Anyway, he was only in it for a split second. Hold on, I'll find a cartridge with a saved game." (Long pause) "Right, I've just beaten the boss and Diddy's quite clearly got a tail." Just as I thought. Stupid people writing in again.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

Whilst perusing the collected outspurtings of your wisdom, I stumbled across a reference to the all-platinum end scene to Blast Corps. Yet in every other demesne of the Web, one cannot swing a dead Java script without hitting a complaint that the platinum standard, although inhumanly difficult to achieve, confers upon its proud champions no additional end scene.

Don't lie to Nephew: is there truly a platinum end scene, or was this merely another example of the sparkling wit that makes you such a sought-after guest at barbarian dinner parties?

(And as long as I'm asking dumb questions, where's the hidden George Lazenby character in Goldeneye?).
Bennett Darrow-Chicago

Uncle Tusk replies:
Depends on your definition of the word 'scene'. There's no forty-minute FMV extravaganza, no, but the rankings keep on going up as the Platinums are collected until the player is faced with a devastating exposé of his or her individual destiny. It's true.

As for George Lazenby, you must have blinked and missed him. Again.

Dear Uncle Tusk,

My brother claims (this is not a joke letter!!!) he was playing Goldeneye at a toy store when the game came out. He was on Facility and said a chef with a mustache, knife, chef hat, and an apron came after him swinging his knife. The chef, he claims, came out of the door down the stairs to the right. Is it true that this could have happened? Was the chef put in the game and then taken out? My brother is very serious about this and I don't think he is lying.
Ten K

Uncle Tusk replies:
Well, that makes one of you. This is the official word on your brother's wild claims:

"There is no truth to his assertion. Whenever he refers to this incident, pat him kindly on the back and say 'There, there. We believe you' in your most patronising tone of voice. Cut down on his sugar intake and give him crayons to draw with. You might also consider dressing as a moustachioed chef and jumping out at him in the middle of the night."

To a "Mr. Tusk",

A cat who claims to be yours was recently sent to our islands to be blown up in a nuclear bomb explosion. We regret to inform you that your so-called "cat" has digested our entire supply of armed test bombs, has horribly mutated and seems to have it in for your wife, a Mrs. Maya Tusk, for, as the cat put it, "repeated kicks to the head during kittenhood". We just thought we should warn your wife of the impending doom.

The Mayor of the Biggest Falkland Island

Uncle Tusk replies:
Aha! I wasn't sure how convincing that wig and bikini would be on me, but they seem to have done the trick. Now, as soon as Maya's out of the way, there's nothing to stop me and Sniffles from -

Oi! This is none of your business, alright? Leave us alone! We just want to be happy...

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